Jump the Gun is a semi-weekly article where two or more HiddenLevel contributors voice their gut reactions to upcoming movies. Their opinions are based solely on what trailers, press releases, and information is available around the internet, oh, and of course their own personal bias towards the source material. None of the opinions are based on actually having watched the movie. Each reviewer retains the right to change their view after having watched the movie, if they ever bother to do so. After all, who wants to waste their money on a movie that looks like it’s going to suck? Unless you’re into that kind of thing.
(August 8, 2014)
Movie Summary: 4 Mutant Ninja Warriors save the city from the Foot Clan and their evil kingpin Shredder.
Brunpuppies - Gawddamnit! Why can’t this movie look good?! I love the Ninja Turtles, but this friggin’ thing looks like such a steaming pile of turds.
In the late 80’s I had Turtlemania big time and I just had to have every action figure and comic book featuring the green teens that I could. The first movie is still one of my all time favorite comic book movies. My love for the Turtles faded a bit by the time the third movie came out, to the point where I don’t think I saw it until it was on basic cable. I didn’t really take much interest in them when they made their comeback in the early 2000’s although I was really happy when the TMNT movie came out, especially since it featured Casey Jones. Recently the Turtle Power has surged back into me due to the highly entertaining IDW comic and the outstanding Nickelodeon cartoon.
The monstrosity produced by nostalgia crushing tyrant, Michael Bay, just looks, well…...crappy. I have all the usual fanboy issues; Why do the Turtles have lips and noses? Why are they so f**cking HUGE? Why is Shredder some white dude? You mean to tell me Shredder created the Turtles with April’s dad? Johnny Knoxville is the voice of who? Where the hell is Casey Jones?! It just seems like anytime there is more news on this movie it gets worse and worse. It just doesn’t make sense considering there are two awesome versions of the Turtles that exist in the comics and TV that they can draw inspiration from, yet instead we get Monk doing the voice of Splinter.
It’s a damn travesty.
Verdict - I’ll see it in theaters because I secretly hate myself and because I LOVE BEING A TURTLE-fan!
Kevshiro - What have they done to you all. A revamp of the story. Really. Did the TMNT really need a revamp or re-imagining at this point. God no! Stick to the story. Yeah, the original was kinda hard to believe but that’s what we grew up with and that’s what we want. I say we start a law, yes a law. that says, no movie studio can recreate a film unless 100 years has passed. That way, all the people who grew up loving the characters and films have died off and a new breed of people can start a new story. Kinda like what they did with the bible back in the day. You had the Old Testament God. And the new one. Nevertheless because I just have to see what kind of awful crap they’ve created, I will plop down my hard earned cash to see what a mess they’ve made of it.
Verdict - I love pain!!! Put me in the theater seat.
SolidMike - I strongly disagree with both Kev and Bruno on this one. This movie is going to be a complete train wreck. The story and the characters are way off when its compared to the original story, so I will definitely pass on this one.
Verdict- Hell “to the” No
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